I Finished.

I really dont' know where to start.

It's been a week since ESOAL. And it all just seems like a dream. You just can't imagine anything that hard or life changing happening to you, and when it does it doesn't seem real. I expierenced so much at ESOAL. Confusion, loneliness, boredom, anger, happiness, laughter. ect. So much happens in 76 hours. I made a new family with my company. We were all so close. We saw eachother as disgusting slime balls covered in mud, we held eachother and cried, and we prayed night and day with eachother. We're actually closer than family in a way. I kind of think of the Isrealites when they were walking in the desert together. Always wanting to give up, not wanting to take another step. And the only thing that keeps you going is the family behind you and the promise infront of you.

Alright, well I'm going to try and recall everything. It's hard because all my days blur together, as if it was just one long day. I was running on about 4-6 hours of sleep out of those 76 hours. My brain is basically leaking out of my ears. :]



It was cold.

Constantly we were soaking wet and I would shake so hard I couldnt' even think straight. The water was 46 degrees and I was in it to my neck. One time my captain came up to me and said, "229, I think you should hold this ice block while you take a dip in the water." So as I climbed into the freezing water, hugging my huge chunk of ice, I totally knew I was about to go see Jesus. It was so cold that I started crying just from how bad it hurt! I'm not even kidding. Everyone else was standing there quiet and just trying to concentrate on what the captain was saying and I couldn't even breathe. But he made me drop it. And man i hurled that thing as far away from me as I could! Then we had to stand outside in the cold the rest of the day and "try" to dry of. But we always wound up back in the water again an hour later. I think out of all the things we did, being cold and wet made me want to ring out the most.



It was dirty.

I have never been so dirty. I didn't bathe the whole time. And I was constantly in the mud/sand/muck. And it was red dirt, so it stained everything. i looked like Paco the whole weekend. And it only made keeping warm harder. Then when you ate you always had sand in your teeth. Which really didn't matter. The food wasn't even appitizing. We ate nasty as dirt grits. Then beans and beans and beans...but they were cold red kidney beans. YUCK! And oatmeal/meat nastyness. (I didn't keep that one down) and some nasty green mush that I have yet to figure out what it was.



It was tireing.

We didn't get hardly any sleep. And it was constant physical training. Sometimes they would give us 10 min naps where we could sit in the sun and sleep. And believe me, you took full advantage of that. One time we did this thing called a glory march where we marched for I have no clue how long but it was until the sun came up. And it was a long LONG time. You know how your feet feel after a long day at six flags? Well that times ten...then add on to sand in your shoes which makes cuts in your feet, plus they're wet. My feet looked like little old man feet. It was disgusting really. They are actually still in recovery. Like I can't feel 2 out of my ten toes and it's been a week. Calm down I'll be fine. I know this is all kind of intense sounding, but there was a medic on call the whole time and only one of us had to go to the hospital. So very reassuring.
I have torn up my legs pretty bad though. They were swollen for a while and had cuts and bruises from my feet to my knees. But they're almost good. I still won't wear a dress around anyone though. It's pretty embarressing.



I can't tell you all that happened though. So much. Ugh. Here are some of the events cut short.



I had to eat chicken gizzard. But my captain was so proud of me for how well I did it that he gave me a chocolate bar. :]

We got a partner and had to sneak back to camp without being caught which took hours of lieing in the grass, climbing through trees, and getting so close...then getting caught. Then getting punished. Loved that one.

Having to stand at attention for so long, and if you move...you get punished. Which is always awesome. I'm actually in the video standing there...looking so pitiful...and my captain is in my face with the loud speaker saying, "don't move...dont' move...don't move." That was very hard. Everything hurt and you could only blink. You couldn't shift your weight...



...I will never EVER be in the army.



Then there was the OC...which was run through the mud, through the creek, climb the wall, up and unders, crawling under the ropes, through the sand pit, swing over the pond, through the tires twice, back through the mud. Over and over and over and over and over....I can't even remember how many times we did it. But most people rung out when we did that more than anything.

We did what i thought was the worst...called sleeper no sleep. That's where you can sleep for 4 mins. And you do sleep. You actually fall asleep! You are so tired, then they wake you up and bare footed you have to dip into this tub of ice water, first your feet, then your legs, then your waist, then all the way to your neck.

Something funny...everyone remembers me as the girl who shook so hard the WHOLE team had to huddle around me. They almost took me out cause I could not get warm. That was fun. And i had to stand at attention wrapped in a trash bag with girls huddled around me. Oh ya and spooning. Totally learned what that was. Don't ask me I don't want to recall that part. *shudders*

There were a lot of fun times too. I mean sometimes you just had to laugh at eachother. Just to get through the day. There was one event where our team had to make up a dance and we had a compitition. I thought that was a lot of fun. :] And Amil had to share dinner with me once and he was like trying to feed me because my hands were covered in dirt and I was laughing so hard. I felt so dumb. Now that I think of it, it was some great bonding. I mean, you have to be colse to share and feed eachother food. lol



But most of all it was the most stretching thing I've done mentally/physically ever.
You really don't get how much your mind goes through when you do something like that. And just how often we let our bodies take control over our minds. But I learned so much about myself. At one point I went to my captain wanting to ring out. I just knew that I wasn't going to be able to make it all the way through. There was no way. It was too hard. And I said I was done, I didn't want to do it any more. What was the point if i wasn't going to make it.

And he looked me in the eye, like intense, and said I see a finisher in you. Some of these people I know won't make it, but you have the heart of a finisher. You need to do it for you. don't cut yourself short. I wont' let you do it.

And that's when soemthing clicked in my head, and from that point on whenever I wanted to ring out I told myself I am NOT cutting myself short! I'm going to do this for me!

And guys I am so glad I did. I learned to lean so much on God and my friends/family. And i learned just how strong I am. I am constantly cutting myself short becuse I don't thinkI can do it. But with God ALL things are possible!!! I can do so much through Him!

And so, that morning, they took us to the top of the hill where we were going to have to roll down and sprint back up. And I was next. And standing there on that hill, crying because I was going to have to roll down and I hated everything but I was still there...is when David Hasz announced that we had finished.

And guys I cried so hard. My friend Trang (who by the way encouraged me more than anyone there) and I clung to eachother and just cried and cired and cried. No one had dry eyes. All the boys were sobbing like babies. No joke. You are just so proud of yourself and your team. And you're like, I did it...I really did it!

And one last time we marched together, I stood at the front holding my companies cross, and we marched into the S.A.C where all the people who rang out or didn't do it where in there cheering and crying for us! I saw my friend Beck and he was crying HARD CORE. The day before he rang out for medical reasons, and he and I are so close. So he came to me and said, "You have to finish for me." And i promised him i would. I almost didn't make it but when i walked in and saw him crying I was that happiest person in the world. I did it!

So now that I finished-finished...I am qualified to do a special LTE this year. I don't know what it is but it's kind of nerve racking. It's like..."so you finished ESOAL...let's see how you do with this!"lol

So to sum it up, my God is amazing. I saw Him in a while new light. I saw Him as a commander in battle, and I followed Him till the end. And that's how I want to live the rest of my days. Marching with my cross right behind Him and never ringing that bell.

<3 Brit