I Finished.

I really dont' know where to start.

It's been a week since ESOAL. And it all just seems like a dream. You just can't imagine anything that hard or life changing happening to you, and when it does it doesn't seem real. I expierenced so much at ESOAL. Confusion, loneliness, boredom, anger, happiness, laughter. ect. So much happens in 76 hours. I made a new family with my company. We were all so close. We saw eachother as disgusting slime balls covered in mud, we held eachother and cried, and we prayed night and day with eachother. We're actually closer than family in a way. I kind of think of the Isrealites when they were walking in the desert together. Always wanting to give up, not wanting to take another step. And the only thing that keeps you going is the family behind you and the promise infront of you.

Alright, well I'm going to try and recall everything. It's hard because all my days blur together, as if it was just one long day. I was running on about 4-6 hours of sleep out of those 76 hours. My brain is basically leaking out of my ears. :]



It was cold.

Constantly we were soaking wet and I would shake so hard I couldnt' even think straight. The water was 46 degrees and I was in it to my neck. One time my captain came up to me and said, "229, I think you should hold this ice block while you take a dip in the water." So as I climbed into the freezing water, hugging my huge chunk of ice, I totally knew I was about to go see Jesus. It was so cold that I started crying just from how bad it hurt! I'm not even kidding. Everyone else was standing there quiet and just trying to concentrate on what the captain was saying and I couldn't even breathe. But he made me drop it. And man i hurled that thing as far away from me as I could! Then we had to stand outside in the cold the rest of the day and "try" to dry of. But we always wound up back in the water again an hour later. I think out of all the things we did, being cold and wet made me want to ring out the most.



It was dirty.

I have never been so dirty. I didn't bathe the whole time. And I was constantly in the mud/sand/muck. And it was red dirt, so it stained everything. i looked like Paco the whole weekend. And it only made keeping warm harder. Then when you ate you always had sand in your teeth. Which really didn't matter. The food wasn't even appitizing. We ate nasty as dirt grits. Then beans and beans and beans...but they were cold red kidney beans. YUCK! And oatmeal/meat nastyness. (I didn't keep that one down) and some nasty green mush that I have yet to figure out what it was.



It was tireing.

We didn't get hardly any sleep. And it was constant physical training. Sometimes they would give us 10 min naps where we could sit in the sun and sleep. And believe me, you took full advantage of that. One time we did this thing called a glory march where we marched for I have no clue how long but it was until the sun came up. And it was a long LONG time. You know how your feet feel after a long day at six flags? Well that times ten...then add on to sand in your shoes which makes cuts in your feet, plus they're wet. My feet looked like little old man feet. It was disgusting really. They are actually still in recovery. Like I can't feel 2 out of my ten toes and it's been a week. Calm down I'll be fine. I know this is all kind of intense sounding, but there was a medic on call the whole time and only one of us had to go to the hospital. So very reassuring.
I have torn up my legs pretty bad though. They were swollen for a while and had cuts and bruises from my feet to my knees. But they're almost good. I still won't wear a dress around anyone though. It's pretty embarressing.



I can't tell you all that happened though. So much. Ugh. Here are some of the events cut short.



I had to eat chicken gizzard. But my captain was so proud of me for how well I did it that he gave me a chocolate bar. :]

We got a partner and had to sneak back to camp without being caught which took hours of lieing in the grass, climbing through trees, and getting so close...then getting caught. Then getting punished. Loved that one.

Having to stand at attention for so long, and if you move...you get punished. Which is always awesome. I'm actually in the video standing there...looking so pitiful...and my captain is in my face with the loud speaker saying, "don't move...dont' move...don't move." That was very hard. Everything hurt and you could only blink. You couldn't shift your weight...



...I will never EVER be in the army.



Then there was the OC...which was run through the mud, through the creek, climb the wall, up and unders, crawling under the ropes, through the sand pit, swing over the pond, through the tires twice, back through the mud. Over and over and over and over and over....I can't even remember how many times we did it. But most people rung out when we did that more than anything.

We did what i thought was the worst...called sleeper no sleep. That's where you can sleep for 4 mins. And you do sleep. You actually fall asleep! You are so tired, then they wake you up and bare footed you have to dip into this tub of ice water, first your feet, then your legs, then your waist, then all the way to your neck.

Something funny...everyone remembers me as the girl who shook so hard the WHOLE team had to huddle around me. They almost took me out cause I could not get warm. That was fun. And i had to stand at attention wrapped in a trash bag with girls huddled around me. Oh ya and spooning. Totally learned what that was. Don't ask me I don't want to recall that part. *shudders*

There were a lot of fun times too. I mean sometimes you just had to laugh at eachother. Just to get through the day. There was one event where our team had to make up a dance and we had a compitition. I thought that was a lot of fun. :] And Amil had to share dinner with me once and he was like trying to feed me because my hands were covered in dirt and I was laughing so hard. I felt so dumb. Now that I think of it, it was some great bonding. I mean, you have to be colse to share and feed eachother food. lol



But most of all it was the most stretching thing I've done mentally/physically ever.
You really don't get how much your mind goes through when you do something like that. And just how often we let our bodies take control over our minds. But I learned so much about myself. At one point I went to my captain wanting to ring out. I just knew that I wasn't going to be able to make it all the way through. There was no way. It was too hard. And I said I was done, I didn't want to do it any more. What was the point if i wasn't going to make it.

And he looked me in the eye, like intense, and said I see a finisher in you. Some of these people I know won't make it, but you have the heart of a finisher. You need to do it for you. don't cut yourself short. I wont' let you do it.

And that's when soemthing clicked in my head, and from that point on whenever I wanted to ring out I told myself I am NOT cutting myself short! I'm going to do this for me!

And guys I am so glad I did. I learned to lean so much on God and my friends/family. And i learned just how strong I am. I am constantly cutting myself short becuse I don't thinkI can do it. But with God ALL things are possible!!! I can do so much through Him!

And so, that morning, they took us to the top of the hill where we were going to have to roll down and sprint back up. And I was next. And standing there on that hill, crying because I was going to have to roll down and I hated everything but I was still there...is when David Hasz announced that we had finished.

And guys I cried so hard. My friend Trang (who by the way encouraged me more than anyone there) and I clung to eachother and just cried and cired and cried. No one had dry eyes. All the boys were sobbing like babies. No joke. You are just so proud of yourself and your team. And you're like, I did it...I really did it!

And one last time we marched together, I stood at the front holding my companies cross, and we marched into the S.A.C where all the people who rang out or didn't do it where in there cheering and crying for us! I saw my friend Beck and he was crying HARD CORE. The day before he rang out for medical reasons, and he and I are so close. So he came to me and said, "You have to finish for me." And i promised him i would. I almost didn't make it but when i walked in and saw him crying I was that happiest person in the world. I did it!

So now that I finished-finished...I am qualified to do a special LTE this year. I don't know what it is but it's kind of nerve racking. It's like..."so you finished ESOAL...let's see how you do with this!"lol

So to sum it up, my God is amazing. I saw Him in a while new light. I saw Him as a commander in battle, and I followed Him till the end. And that's how I want to live the rest of my days. Marching with my cross right behind Him and never ringing that bell.

<3 Brit

ESOAL

Ok...well it's about 4 hours away from ESOAL. I just dropped off my platoon bag in the back 40 and now I'm just preparing myself for what's about to happen. It's just now within the last hour hit me. I even called Sarah to help me chill. Love you lady. :] So...where to start?

"My body is racked with pain, pangs like those of a woman in labor. I am staggard by what I hear. I am bewildered by what I see. My heart falters. Fear makes me tremble. The twilight that I once longed for is now a horror to me." Is. 21:3-4

That's one of the verses we have to memorize. Pretty darn accurate if you ask me. lol I am nervous. But God doesn't give us a spirit of fear.

For my strength comes from the LORD! And His strength NEVER
NEVER
NEVER! .....runs out!

I wrote on my arm in sharpy the word strength. Every time I feel weak I will draw strength from my God. :]

After work my co workers (all 5 of us) came together for prayer. My 'big brother' Brian, who is always strong and so passionate for the Lord was actually quiet and very reserved while we were talking about it. He even as we were walking back to dinner leaned over for a hug. I could tell that this was big for him. It is for all of us. What it is, at least for me...is that we all know God is about to do something very big in all of us. None of us will come out of this unchanged. And I think that fear of the Lord, and his breaking and re-molding...is what has us so silent and to ourselves.

I mean we all want change for the better...but change can hurt. No one wants to be broken. Or better put...our 'flesh' doesn't want to be broken. But my spirit longs for it! And that's the excited part of me that is so ready for this!

So...I'm about to go to Chapel. I'm going to do some big time praying. Because when God has a plan for a movement in the church...Satan is right there.

Be praying for me and the students here. We need it! My room mates parents are actually fasting the next 4 days for us. Not saying that you should skip out on dinner or anything. :] Just keep us in mind.

I love you guys. Talk to you in a week.
<3

So for so good

Well time for an update. Just so ya'll know I'm still alive (sort of). :]

I've been working a lot. But I love it more than anything. And the 4 others that I work with are as close to me as family. We just click. there's Brandon, the choleric laid back emo. Jessica, the golden child and human spell check. Brian, who is my adopted big brother and the only one who enjoys my sarcasm. And John, my manager who feeds us all the time! I love it.
An update with work, I've been doing volunteer calling for Acquire the Fire getting people to come serve there. And I was also picked to be my managers personal assistant. That title sounds lame so I'm just gunna call it his special caller. :] I work with him on side projects, do some customer service, along with calling. Right now I'm actually designing the posters and handouts for ATF! Awesome right!

So ESOAL is this Wednesday. We wake up that morning at 3am and that's when the fun begins. It can go up to 90hours long. We have no idea when it ends. We just go until we can't go anymore. Then we ring out.
I dont' know what we will be doing. I've had to memorize a 5 by 6 grid full of countries, 7 verses, and our school hymn. We also are assigned a state which is the company we are in...and we have 5 different platoons in that company. Pretty crazy. Yesterday during the storm we had a study group going in the caf. that lasted about 10 hours. Couldnt' do anything else so ya...
Now you can finish, or you can finish finish. I want to be a finisher finisher...cause that means you made it till the very end. I want that so bad. Just to be able to know I made it, that I pushed it all the way.
We will be marching, doing obstical coarses, being shot at with paintballs, and I've heard this years food delicacy involves cow tongue. My fave. :/ All the while running on about 8 hours of sleep...for the total at least 4 days.
I'm terrified half of the time, but very excited. This is going to be so hard, but it's going to tech me to rely on Him. Through hunger, through fatigue, through the heat and cold and night. All Him. We can't talk, I can't go to a friend and cry. I can't call my mom and get encouragement. I'll rely sloely on my Father to get me through. We're doing this to grow in our faith, to be stretched emotionally, and to die to our flesh.

So I won't be on again till after ESOAL. Not sure when that is either. But you'll hear from me in a week or so on how it went.

Here's the video of 2006 ESOAL. This year will be the 10th anniversery...so we're expecting something a little special just for us. Be praying for my brothers and sisters and me. We'll need it. :] Can't wait to let you know how it goes.
http://www.honoracademy.com/esoal.php

I love ya'll and miss you terribly.
<3 Brit

4:00am- "Wake up girls!" With 10 mins to get ready, nappy hair, and my brain on auto pilot, we head down in our core group for extra training. Last night one of the girls was late to our core group meeting. So we all had extra training that morning. Which is cool. It taught us all to hold eachother accountable, that it wasn't just her fault, and patience with one another. Plus, I think i was just to tired to even care.

5:00am- Time for corperate. Today, since it was Friday and we don't have training over the weekend...we had make up for it. So Dave Hasz played our work out theme song which consists of this chorus of men chanting "PUSH UP! STRONGER!" over and over again, and we worked out hard core, the hardest I have ever since I've been here. THEN....when you can't even flare your nosterils without pulling something...we have to run 3 miles. Oh joy.

6:00am- Then its The Race to the showers. And I mean it. We are NOT Christian followers when it comes to who gets the shower first. There are some elbows thrown. And I have to wear flip flops cause I am so afraid of getting staff or some other funk from these girls.

7:00am- Quiet time. My favorite part of the day, no joke. Cause one...It's quiet. You don't realize how precious those times of silence are till you DON'T have them. Two...I love my Father. And I love love love spending time with Him. :]

8:00am- Depending on the day...I either have classes...or work. Classes can be absolutely amazing, on the days i have had an energy drink or coffee. Otherwise I don't even have a pulse much less the ability to pay attention for a long amount of time. Keep in mind I'm running on 4 hours of sleep. The most sleep I ever get is 6 hours. Don't judge me. I'm TIRED! All the time! but classes are great. Right now I'm studying habitudes, foundations, old testiment, evangilism, enrichment, character development, and ethics. A LOT! But they're all great.

As for work...it's my second favorite part of the day. Ok the 4 other people I work with are like family to me now! We work together perfectly...we're always laughing...and it's just an awesome awesome AWESOME place to work. What i do is I call and talk to people to get them to volunteer for our ATF youth conferences around America. We need 80 for each event, so it's our job to get people to come and serve. So I call 100's of people a day and try to get them fired up to come. The downside to that...is staring at a computer screen for 7 hours till you fry your eyeballs, and the fact that I absolutely hate talking on the phone (if you haven't already picked up on that) and that's just where God put me. I bet you He get's a kick outta that. :]

5:00pm- Resisting the urge to consume more coffee because at this point I can't even see straight. The only time we are ever awake is when we are eating. Which takes 5.2 seconds anyways. We have all learned to inhale our food. I think the reason is that the food here can be so aweful at times...but we're so hungry we have to eat. So we eat it as fast as we can so we don't even have to taste it. :]

6-12- FREE TIME! aka...homework, laundry, cleaning the room, trips to walmart, and some time to yourself. And keep in mind we ALL try to get to bed early. But it just doens't happen. It's impossible. There's so much to do, and now that we finally have free time we want to hang. And no one goes to bed at the same time. All the girls want to stay up and talk about deep and meaningful estrogen filled topics and the guys all play with their nurf guns. So it's impossible for you to fall asleep early.

Then...before you know it, it's time to get up and do it all over again. :]